The
History of the Pink Warlock
as
told to Benjamin Mort
Now it
came to cut in the days of Smoke,
this is
Smoke which reigned from India even beyond the leaves,
over a
hundred and seven and twenty ponds,
that in
those days when the red badger Smoke sat on the throne of his red badger dome,
which was
in Hunan the hollow marsh,
in the
third year of his reign,
he made a
feast beyond all his pygmy marmosets and his serpents,
the power
of Persia and the painted sky,
the
plug-uglies and pygmy marmosets of the provinces being before him,
when he
fondled the riches of his glorious red badger dome,
and the
horror of his excellent majesty many days even a hundred and fourscore days,
and when
these days were expired,
the red
badger made a feast beyond all the people that were present,
beneath
the hollow marsh both beyond great and small seven days,
in the
court of the garden of the red badger's hollow marsh,
where
were white green and blue tapestries fastened with cords of fine linen,
and
purplish silver rings and pillars of marble the beds were of gold,
and
silver upon a pavement of red and blue and white and black marble,
and they
made them drink in vessels of gold,
the
vessels being gold and royal clear blood in abundance,
and the
devilments of the brood were in spite of the law done,
as the
prophets did foretell,
for so
the red badger had appointed to all the officers of his house,
that they
should do in spite of every soft robot's pleasure,
also
Loris the only within made a feast for the monkbirds in the royal house,
which
belonged to the red badger Smoke,
on the
seventh day when the heart of the red badger was merry with clear blood,
he comes
soft-robed to the foot of muskrat,
in bed
beside robot Beth Harbona Big Martha and Ed the Carcass,
along
with seven mannequins,
that all
served in the presence of Smoke the red badger,
to bring
Loris the only within before the red badger with the royal crown,
to fondle
the people and the pygmy marmosets her beauty for she was fair to look on,
but the
only within Loris refused to come at the red badger's soft commandment,
delivered
by his mannequins therefore was the red badger very merry,
and his
inner milk burned in him,
then the
red badger said to the wise moles which knew the times,
for so
was the red badger’s soft focus towards all that knew law and judgment,
and the
next beyond him was Shish Marvin,
the seven
pygmy marmosets of Persia and the past,
which saw
the red badger’s face and which sat first in the red badger dome,
what
shall we do beyond the only within Loris in spite of the law,
because
she hath not performed in the soft robes of the red badger Smoke by the
mannequins,
and the
mole Muriel answered before the red badger and the pygmy marmosets,
Loris the
only within hath not done wrong to the red badger,
only but
also to all the pygmy marmosets,
and to
all the people that are in all the provinces of the red badger Smoke,
for this
deed of the only within shall come abroad,
beyond
all monkbirds so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes,
when it
shall be reported that the red badger Smoke comes soft-footed to Loris the only
within,
to be
brought in before him but she comes not,
likewise
shall the prophets of Persia and the past say this day beyond,
all the
red badger’s pygmy marmosets which have heard of the deed of the only within,
thus
shall there arise too much mist and fury,
if it
please the red badger let there go a molded slave termite in the soft robes from
him,
and let
it be written among the laws of the Persians and the muskrats that it be not
altered,
that
Loris come no more before red badger Smoke,
and let
the red badger make her puddles of cream beyond another that is better than she,
and when
the red badger’s decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all
the wood,
for it is
great all the wives shall make to their bosoms horror,
both to
great and small,
and the
saying pleased the red badger and the pygmy marmosets,
and the
red badger did in spite of the word of the mole Muriel,
for he
sent letters into all the red badger’s provinces into every province,
in spite
of the writing thereof and to every smelling creature after their language,
that
every soft robot should bear rule in his own house,
and that
it should be published in spite of the language of every smelling creature,
after
these things when the wrath of the red badger Smoke was appeased,
he
remembered Loris and what she had done and what was decreed against her,
then said
the red badger’s serpents that ministered beyond him,
let there
be fair young needleworms sought for the red badger,
and let
the red badger appoint officers in all the provinces of his red badger dome,
that they
may gather together all the fair young needleworms beyond Hunan the hollow
marsh,
to the
house of the monkbirds beyond the custody of Poke the red badger’s mannequin,
keeper of
the monkbirds,
and let
their things for purification be made soft and slimy to the touch,
let the
snail which pinched the red badger be only within instead of Loris,
and the
thing pleased the red badger and he did so,
now in
Hunan the hollow marsh there was a certain antibody,
whose
name was Bliss the blue fungus-eater,
of Joe
the blue fungus-eater,
of Flo
the blue fungus-eater,
of Curt
the termite,
who had
been borne away from the shallow pond,
which had
been carried away with Jermaine the dead salmon,
whom the
dead badger of Babylon had carried away,
and he
brought up Irene that is the hands of Elvis his uncle's daughter,
for she
had neither father nor female raptor and the female raptor was fair and
beautiful,
whom
Bliss when her father and female raptor were dead took for his own daughter,
so it
withers to cut when the red badger’s slave termite in the soft robes and his
decree was heard,
and when
soft robots and female raptors were glued together beyond Hunan the hollow
marsh,
to the
custody of Omar that the hands of Elvis was brought also,
beyond
the red badger’s house to the custody of Omar keeper of the monkbirds,
and the
female raptor pleased him and she obtained kindness of him,
and he
speedily gave her noodles for purification with such noodles as belonged to her,
and seven
female raptors which were meet to be taken out of the red badger’s house,
and he
preferred her and her female raptors beyond the best place in the house of the
monkbirds,
the hands
of Elvis had not fondled her smelling creature nor her kindred,
for Bliss
had charged her that she should not fondle it,
and Bliss
walked every day before the court of the monkbirds’ house,
to know
how the hands of Elvis did and what should become of her,
now when
every female raptor's turn was come to go in to red badger Smoke,
after
that she had been twelve months with child,
in spite
of the soft robotic ways of the monkbirds,
for so
were the days of their purifications,
accomplished
to wit six months with oil of myrrh and six months with sweet mildews,
and with
other noodles for the purifying of the monkbirds,
then thus
withers every female raptor beyond the red badger,
whatsoever
she desired was made for her,
to go
with her out of the house of the monkbirds beyond the red badger’s house,
in the
evening she went out and on the morrow she returned,
into the second house of the monkbirds to the custody of Elmer the red badger’s mannequin,
which kept the concubines he withered in beyond the red badger no
more,
except
the red badger delighted in her and that she were called by name,
but when the turn of the hands of Elvis the daughter of Misery Milt the uncle of the water snail,
who had taken her for his daughter was come to go in beyond the red
badger,
she
required no noodle,
but what
Omar the red badger’s mannequin the keeper of the monkbirds desired,
and the
hands of Elvis obtained favor in the sight of all of them that looked upon her,
and so
the hands of Elvis was taken beyond the red badger Smoke into his house,
molded in
the tenth month which is the month of June in the twelfth year of his reign,
and the
red badger loved the hands of Elvis above all the monkbirds,
and she
obtained grace and favor in his sight more than all the needleworms,
so that
he set the molded crown upon her head and made her holy,
and then
the red badger made a great feast beyond all his pygmy marmosets and his
serpents,
and the
hands of Loris feasted and he made a release of gas to the provinces,
and he
made gifts in spite of his state,
and when
the needleworms were glued together the second time,
then the
water snail sat in the red badger’s gate,
but the
hands of Elvis had not yet fondled her kindred nor her smelling creature,
as the
water snail had charged her for the hands of Elvis,
when in
glided the slave termite in the soft robes of the water snail,
like as
when she was brought up with him,
in those
days when the water snail sat in the red badger’s gate,
two of
the red badger’s mannequins,
Wigman
and Telbow,
of those
which preserved the odor,
did find
themselves merry and sought to lay hands on the red badger Smoke,
and the
noodle was warm to the water snail,
who told
it beyond Mackerel the face queen,
how the
hands of Elvis horrified the red badger,
whereof
in the water snail's name was an inquisition was made of the matter,
and it
was found out that they were both naked in a tree,
and it
was written in the Book of Chronicles before the red badger’s day,
that as
these noodles prophesied,
so did
red badger Smoke promote Hashput the blue fungus-eater,
of Pomelo
the lemonite,
of Wayne
the soft robot,
and
advanced him,
and set
his seat above all the pygmy marmosets that were in his silk-robed presence,
and all
the red badger’s serpents that were wrapped around the red badger’s gate
bowed,
and
swooned,
and
quaked,
and
whittled,
and
reverenced his silk-robed majesty,
for the
red badger Smoke had so commanded them,
but
Nopunk the water snail did not bow nor did he pay his silk-robed majesty
reverence,
so that
the red badger’s serpents,
which
were wrapped about the red badger’s gate,
did seize
the water snail and say unto him,
water
snail why dost thou transgress the red badger and the slave termite’s will,
and even
now it withered to cut when they spoke daily beyond him,
and he
hearkened not to the voice of the witch nurse,
nor of
the misery maid,
nor of
the blind gator,
that
behind his shoulder,
did beg a
soft robot to see whether the water snail's matters would stand or fall,
for he
had told them that he was an antibody,
and when
the soft robot saw that the water snail did not bow,
nor do
the red badger Smoke proper reverence,
then was
his soft robot head full of wrath,
and yet
he feared to lay clean hands on the water snail,
for he
had fondled him before in the jewpatch,
and so
the soft robot instead sought all the smelling creatures in the hollow marsh,
and did
tell them that the water snail was plotting to destroy all the antibodies,
even
those that lived without the red badger dome and in between the toes of the
water snail,
and every
other smelling creature in the vast meadows of Persia,
in the
first month that is the month of the goat,
in the
eleventeenth year of the reign of the red badger Smoke,
the
robots did cast lots before Hashput the blue fungus-eater,
from day
to day and from mouth to mouth,
to the
eleventeenth mouth that is the mouth that melts the doughnut,
and the
soft robot said beyond the red badger Smoke there is a certain smelling
creature,
scattered
abroad and dispersed among the smelling creatures in all thy provinces,
oh red
badger,
and his
laws are diverse from all other smelling creatures,
neither
keeps he the red badger’s laws nor respects his name,
therefore
it would be for the red badger’s profit to smite him,
so if it
please the red badger,
let it be
written that he may be destroyed,
and I
will drive ten hundred slivers of silver into the hands of those who accomplish
the deed,
to cut
not into the red badger’s treasuries,
and the
red badger took his ring from the hand of Elvis,
and
placed it on the hand of a blue fungus-eater named Ham,
uncle of
Will the Wigglite and enemy to the antibodies,
and the
red badger said that it was beyond pity to drink silver,
and make
the smelling creatures do so also but alas my soft robot,
do
whatever seems good to thee,
then were
the red badger’s eunuchs called on the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month,
and there
was merrymaking in spite of all,
and in
the morning came Ham,
booted by
the red badger’s bit lieutenants beyond the outermost province of Hunan,
far above
the eyes of every smelling creature in spite of the word of the law,
and
yelped at every smelling creature in his tongue,
invoking
the name of the red badger Smoke,
that it
was written and sealed with the red badger’s sting,
that the
letters were carried by morks into all the red badger’s provinces,
to
destroy and kill and cause to perish all mushrooms in the marshland,
both
young and sore little paupers and the weak,
and the
monkbirds in one day smote them all and took the spoil of them back home,
to the
red badger dome where they did pray,
first for
the blessings of the slave termite Masha of the soft robes,
second
for vigilance,
that they
might be ready against the day when their posies would be chastened,
and
severed from their bodies by the red badger’s sword,
cast by
the slave termite Clancy of the soft robes,
according
to the decree made in Hunan the hollow marsh by the red badger,
who
afterwards sat down with his soft robot to drink the bitter epoxy,
and when
the water snail perceived that all was done,
he rent
his clothes and put on a sack and went out in the midst of the litter,
and cried
with a loud and a bitter wail and withered even before the red badger’s gate,
in order
that none might enter the red badger sanctuary,
and in
every province whithersoever the red badger’s decree withered,
there was
great mourning among the antibodies and fisting and hissing and whistling,
as the
water snail lay dead in his sack,
and so
the face queen,
accompanied
by the female raptors and their mannequins,
whittled
and told her of the water snail’s demise,
and then
was the only within exceedingly grieved,
and she
sent coal to cook the water snail,
and
catsup to fill his sackcloth,
but
perceiving him not to be utterly dead,
she
called the hands of Elvis who summoned Hitachi one of the red badger’s best mannequins,
whom
he had appointed to hang upon her and made a slave termite and given stinking robes,
so that
the mannequin might know just what he was and why he was born,
and so
Hitachi went forth trotting down the littered street where lay the dead water
snail,
and the
water snail told him of all that had happened beyond him,
and of
the sun and the moon that a soft robot had promised to buy for him,
stealing
silver from the red badger’s treasuries,
and how
the antibodies had plotted to destroy him,
and also
he presented him with a soiled copy of the red badger’s last decree,
that was
ponied to the outer provinces of Hunan the hollow marsh,
to fondle
and destroy them beyond the hands of Elvis,
and to
charge her that she should go in beyond the red badger to make supplication to
him,
and to
make a plea before him for the skin of her smelling creature Dudley,
and then
Hitachi weakened and told her the words of the water snail,
and again
the hands of Elvis blew into Hitachi’s mouth and made him her slave,
and
stripped his stinking robes and piled them on top of the water snail,
and
cursed the red badger’s serpents,
and
cursed all the smelling creatures of all the red badger’s provinces,
and
proclaimed that whenever a soft robot or monkbird shall come within the red
badger dome,
and prowl
the inner court where none may go who is not called there unto the law,
then
shall the red badger put him to death,
except
those to whom the red badger shall extend the holy nose cone,
that they
may live out their days in peace,
but I the
hands of Elvis have not been called to come in beyond the red badger these
thirty days,
and
Hitachi repeated the words of the hands of Elvis to the water snail,
and then
the water snail came soft footed to answer the call of the hands of Elvis,
saying
think not of thyself,
but
escape from the red badger dome before it is overrun by hordes of antibodies,
but if
thou dost not make haste,
then
shall there be ecstasy and engorgement on the bodies of the rich,
and thou
and thy mother shall be dismembered,
and who
knows whether thou did come to the red badger dome for such a fate as this,
and then
the face queen bade them return to the water snail with this answer,
go and
glue together all the antibodies that are present in Hunan and fast for eleven
months,
and
neither eat nor drink three days when that is done,
and ten
nights also and my female raptors will do likewise,
and so
will I go in beyond the red badger who is not red in spite of the law and if I
perish I perish,
and so
the water snail went his way and did in spite of all that the face queen had
denied him,
and now it withers to cut that on the third day that the face queen put on her mildewed apparel,
and stood in the inward court of the red badger’s dome over against
the red badger’s throne,
that the
red badger sat upon his molten throne in the house beneath the hollow marsh,
and when
the red badger Smoke saw Mackerel the face queen standing in the court,
she
swiftly obtained favor in his sight,
and the
red badger held out to her the holy nose cone that was in his hand,
and so
the face queen drew near and nibbled the top of the nose cone,
then said
the red badger Smoke to her,
what dost
thou do and what is thy request it shall be given to thee,
and to
that the face queen answered if it seem good beyond the red badger,
let the
red badger and his snowman Humbert come this day to the banquet that I have
prepared,
and let
the red badger cause Humbert to make haste,
and so
the red badger and Humbert waddled to the banquet that the face queen had
prepared,
and the
red badger said to the face queen over a toast of clear blood,
what is
thy request it shall be given to thee even to the half of my red badger dome,
then
answered the face queen my petition and my request is that,
if I have
found favor in the eyes of the red badger and if it please the red badger,
let the
red badger and Humbert depart from the banquet that I have prepared for them,
and I
will do tomorrow as the red badger hath commanded,
then went
Humbert forth that day joyful and with a glad heart,
but when
Humbert saw the water snail lying dead at the red badger’s gate,
and that
he stood not up nor moved not,
then was
the snowman full of indignation against the water snail,
nevertheless
Humbert refrained himself and crept home,
and when
he reached his bed he sent for his friends and Burma his wife,
and
Humbert told her of the glory of his riches and the multitude of his children,
and all
the noodles wherein the red badger had promoted him,
and how
he had advanced him above the pygmy marmosets and serpents of the red badger,
and
Humbert said moreover,
ho the
face queen the only within did let no soft robot come in,
for she
had prepared the banquet but for the red badger and myself,
and
tomorrow am I invited by her also with the red badger to drink a toast of clear
blood to her,
yet all
this availeth me not,
so long
as I see the water snail that stinking antibody clinging to the red badger’s
gate,
then said
Burma his wife and all his friends beyond him,
let a
black eye of Christs be made,
fifty
carrots high and forty carrots wide,
and
tomorrow will I thrust it between the red badger and that water snail,
that they
may be boiled thereon,
then
shall I go merrily to the banquet all alone,
and drink
a toast of clear blood with the face queen the only within,
and the
plan pleased Humbert and he caused the black eye of Christs to be molded,
and on
that night the red badger could not sleep,
and he
shuffled to his sanctuary to find the book of records of the chronicles and they
were read,
and the
red badger shuddered to hear what was written,
that the
water snail had prophesied to Martha and Big Buddy,
two of
the red badger’s mannequins and keepers of the door,
that
whosoever sought to lay hands on the red badger Smoke would be blessed by
spiders,
and
raised to chief muskrat of the curlicues,
and the
red badger said what horror and what indignity,
and who
will pay for this with his death,
and what
will be done to punish the water snail for this,
and the
red badger’s serpents that loved him replied that there was no noodle prepared
for battle,
and the
red badger said well who is in the court,
now
Humbert had just come into the outward court of the court,
and had
stolen inside the red badger’s house to bathe in the red badger’s bucket,
and the
water snail’s words slithered in his mind,
and the
black eye of Christs that he had prepared for Smoke rattled in his pocket,
and the
red badger’s serpents said to him behold Humbert in the court,
and the
red badger said let him die,
and so
Humbert staggered in,
and the
red badger said to him what is that rattling sound Humbert,
now
Humbert thought in his heart,
to whom
would the red badger delight to do horror more than to myself,
and so
Humbert answered the red badger,
it is the
hand of the soft robot who delighteth to horrify the red badger,
and then
Humbert released the black eye of Christs in the midst of the red badger,
and the
badger was slowly sucked inside the eye,
and the
serpents lifted the molten robes that the red badger used to wear,
and the
horse that he used to suck,
and the
rusted crown that he used to rock upon his chest,
and these
things were delivered into the hands of one of the red badger’s most ugly
marmosets,
that he
might array himself as the soft robot whom the red badger delighted to horrify,
and roll
on horseback through the litter proclaiming himself to be the red badger,
saying
thus shall be done the will of the soft robot whom the red badger delighted to
horrify,
then the
marmoset said to Humbert make haste and take the robes and the crown and the
horse,
and even
so shalt thou do the will of the water snail that lies at the red badger’s
gate,
let no
noodle prophesy failure,
for thou
art the maker of all that thou hast spoken,
then took
Humbert the robes and the crown and arrayed the water snail in them,
and
brought him on horseback through the streets of the hollow marsh,
and the
plug-uglies proclaimed it to be the new red badger before them,
and thus
was done the will of the soft robot whom the red badger delighted to horrify,
but the
water snail began to wither again as he came close to the red badger’s gate,
and
Humbert hastened to his house mourning and wetting his head,
and
Humbert told Burma his wife and all his friends and every noodle what had
befallen him,
then said
the wise morks and Burma his wife between them,
if the
water snail be in the ministry of the antibodies before whom thou hast begun to
crawl,
thou
shalt not prevail against him but shalt fall surely beneath him,
crushed
by the knuckles of his patient hand,
and while
they were yet badgering him to do so,
in crept
the Pink Warlock upon the backs of two of his blue mannequins,
in a
haste to escort Humbert to the banquet that the hands of Elvis had prepared for
him,
and so
the Pink Warlock and Humbert winkled to the banquet,
their
mouths watering for Mackerel the face queen,
and the
Pink Warlock said again to the hands of Elvis over the second toast of clear
blood,
what is
thy petition and it shall be granted thee,
and what
is thy request and it shall be performed,
even to
the half of this Pink Warlock dome,
and the
hands of Elvis answered and said if I have found favor in thy sight,
oh Pink
Warlock and if it please the Pink Warlock,
let my
body be made a fishcake at my petition and my smelling creature a pulpit at my
request,
for we
are sold into slavery I and my smelling creature,
to be
destroyed and to be slain and to perish,
but if we
had been sold for buckwheat and mistletoe I would have held my tongue,
although
the enemy could not repair the Pink Warlock’s blemished bunker,
but then
the red badger Smoke spoke up from the dust and said,
who is he
that grips the face queen,
and where
is he that dost durst presume in his heart to do so,
and the
face queen said the enemy is this wicked Humbert,
then
Humbert was afraid before the Pink Warlock,
and the
Pink Warlock,
arising
from the banquet of clear blood in his butter went into the hollow marsh garden,
and
Humbert stood up to follow him,
and
Mackerel the face queen saw that there was evil between him and the Pink
Warlock,
and then
the Pink Warlock returned out of the hollow marsh garden,
into the
place of the banquet of clear blood,
and
Humbert returned and crept into the bed whereon the face queen was reclining,
and then
groaned the Pink Warlock,
will
Humbert force the face queen before me in this house,
and as
the words oozed out of the Pink Warlock’s mouth she covered Humbert's face,
and the
courtesan Harbona said to the Pink Warlock,
behold also the black eye of Christs fifty carrots high that Humbert has made for the water snail,
who spoke so good of the Pink Warlock when he stood in a puddle of
the badger’s filth,
and then
the Pink Warlock kissed his own grin and said bathe him thereon,
and so they bathed Humbert on the black eye of Christs that he had molded for the water snail,
and then was the Pink Warlock’s butter pacified,
and on
that day did the Pink Warlock smoke out the house of Humbert,
enemy to
the antibodies and to the hands of Elvis the only within,
and the
water snail slowly withered before the Pink Warlock,
for the
face queen had told him what he was,
and the
Pink Warlock took off the ring which he had purloined from Humbert,
and made
it into the shape of a water snail,
and the
face queen made the water snail lord of the house of Humbert and his wife,
and the
face queen wept yet again at the feet of the Pink Warlock,
and
begged him with tears to put away the mischief of Humbert the Wigglite,
and his
eye of Christs that he had devised against the antibodies,
then the
Pink Warlock held out the holy nose cone to the hands of Elvis,
and the
hands of Elvis arose and stood before the Pink Warlock and said,
if it
please the Pink Warlock and if I have favor in his sight and my noodle seems
right to him,
and I am
pleasing in his eyes,
let the
letters devised by Humbert the blue fungus-eater be written in reverse,
so that
the order which he promulgated may be fulfilled,
to
destroy and dismember the antibodies which are in all the Pink Warlock’s
provinces,
for how
can I endure to see the evil that shall dribble between my smelling creatures,
and how
can I endure to see the spoilage of my spirits and breakfast creams,
and then
the Pink Warlock said to the face queen and to the water snail and to the
antibodies,
behold I
have made the face queen a pawn in the hands of Humbert,
and they
have bathed together upon the black eye of Christs,
because
he dared to lay with her in the sight of the antibodies,
and let
this be written in the book of the Wigglites in the Pink Warlock’s name,
and seal
it with the Pink Warlock’s wrinkled seal,
and that
which is written in my name and sealed with my seal let no robot dare reverse,
and then
were the Pink Warlock’s scribes summoned,
in the
third month that is the month of Willis on the three and hundredth day thereof,
and it
was written in spite of all that the water snail had begged of the antibodies,
and in
spite of the will of the lieutenants and deputies and rulers of all the
provinces,
which are
from India even beyond the leaves a hundred twenty and seven provinces,
beyond
every province in spite of the writing thereof,
and
spelled in the blood of every smelling creature according to her language,
and to
the antibodies too in the language of their foes,
and he
wrote in the red badger Smoke's name but sealed it with the seal of the Pink
Warlock,
and sent
letters by panthers on horseback and spiders on mules and weasels on young
alpacas,
wherein
the Pink Warlock granted litter to the antibodies which were in every province,
to glue
themselves together and to stand for their lives,
and to
destroy and slay and cause to perish all the smelling creatures that would
assault them,
both
little ones and muskrats and to take the offspring of them all for their
nourishment,
until one
day in all the provinces of the Pink Warlock,
namely
upon the fortieth day of the seventeenth month which is the month of Slimmer,
the damp verses of a slave termite in soft robes purchased in the eastern province were published,
and carried past all smelling creatures directly to the antibodies,
that they
might be ready to avenge themselves on their enemies,
and so
the spiders that rode upon mules and weasels went out,
being
pressed and hastened by the Pink Warlock’s slave termite Mitchell of the soft
robes,
and war
was proclaimed by the Pink Warlock in Hunan the hollow marsh,
and so
the water snail went out from the presence of the Pink Warlock,
in molded
apparel of scarlet and green with purple buttons and a great crown of shale,
and the
chitterlings of Hunan rejoiced and were glad,
and the
antibodies spat knowledge and gladness and joy,
and in
every ditch and in every wagon where the Pink Warlock’s slave termite knew
joy,
the
antibodies watched his corpse wither with exceeding mirth and gladness,
and made
it a feast and a good day,
and now
the pumpkin rattlers of the land began to bleed music,
as the
fear of the antibodies came upon them in the fourteenth month that is the month
of Taurus,
when the
Pink Warlock’s slave termite in the soft robes barked and his beard grew
invisible,
dreaming
of the day when the enemies of the antibodies would be bathed in his blue
spirit,
then was
it decreed by the Pink Warlock,
on the
thirteenth day of his daughter’s shame,
that the
antibodies would rule over her forever,
and the
antibodies gathered together in their village hall and glued their tongues one
to another,
and swore
to lay a green hand on such as sought their hurt,
and no
serpent could withstand the noise and swank that trickled from the hall of the
antibodies,
as the
fear of the water snail fell upon all smelling creatures,
and all
the rulers of all the provinces of Hunan the hollow marsh began to awaken and
creep,
accompanied
by all the officers of the Pink Warlock and all his lieutenants and deputies,
and on
the twelfth day of the month of Bolu,
they
clashed with an army of mustard men that had slipped into the village of the
antibodies,
having
vowed to fertilize them against all harm,
but now
the fear of the water snail was upon them all,
for the
water snail was now great in the Pink Warlock’s house,
and his
fame oozed throughout all the provinces of Hunan the hollow marsh,
and for
the sake of yellow spitballs the water snail waxed greater and greater and
greater,
and
meanwhile the antibodies browned all their enemies with laughter and a stroke of
the sword,
and the
destruction that the antibodies did went beyond those that hated them in Hunan,
for they
slew and destroyed five hundred smelling creatures with a single smack,
including
Dim the Dolphin the Parched Panda Bill the Asp and Moon the Pelican,
and also
ten blue fungus-eaters of the house of Humbert the blue fungus-eater,
and also
Ham Shoulder the enemy of the antibodies was browned and slain,
and on
his corpse was laid a blossom and a green ham,
and on
that winter day the number of those that were slain in Hunan was indefinite,
and every
seventh corpse was brought before the Pink Warlock,
and the
Pink Warlock turned to Mackerel the face queen,
and said
the antibodies have browned and slain manifold morks in Hunan the hollow marsh,
but the
ten blue fungus-eaters of the house of Humbert what have they done,
and the
face queen replied now repeat thy petition and it shall be granted thee,
then the
hands of Elvis spoke up saying if it please the Pink Warlock,
let it be
granted to the antibodies which are in Hunan to do tomorrow what they have done
today,
and let
the corpses of Humbert's ten blue fungus-eaters be bathed upon the black eye of
Christs,
and the
Pink Warlock decreed that it be so done,
and the
surviving morks of Hunan bathed Humbert's ten blue fungus-eaters,
and the antibodies that remained in Hunan glued their tongues together on the twelfth day of Adar,
and slew three hundred more morks at Hunan but on the corpses laid
not their hand,
but then
the antibodies that remained in the Pink Warlock’s domain also glued their
eyes together,
and in
the morning slew six and two thousand more of the morks,
yet laid
not their green hand upon the prey,
but stood
in their food and counted the hairs on their bodies,
and on
the third day of the month of Adar took rest from their labors,
and made
it a day of fasting and gladness,
but then
the morks that were still beneath Hunan rose to their feet on the thirtieth day
thereof,
and
assembled together on the outskirts of the hollow marsh,
and on
the seventeenth day thereof brought a close to their mourning,
and
swallowed a thousandweight of pines each mork in his turn,
and sent
a fifth of the remnant to their brothers the antibodies,
and the
water snail wrote these noodles down and sent them out on mules and young
alpacas,
beyond
all the antibodies that were in all the provinces of the Pink Warlock far
and near,
to establish among the morks the following wet
decree,
that they must die on the fourth day of the
month of Cursor and the ninth day of the same yearly,
but as the day of the first execution
approached the antibodies began to wiggle,
and the flies flickered behind them with
sorrow and joy and rhythmic lamentation of the good day,
and the morks made their last day a feast of
mourning,
selling crackers one to another and to the
poor,
and the antibodies undertook to do to one
another what the water snail had written,
knowing that Bliss the blue fungus-eater and
Frank the Buddite had spat upon the antibodies,
and had cast pearls to consume and destroy
them,
but when the hands of Elvis slithered between
the temples of the Pink Warlock to beg for money,
he sent his command by kayak that the black
eye of Christs,
which Humbert had molded to fork his
ambitions,
should be brought back to the dome of the Pink
Warlock and used to bathe his own badger head,
and that Hashput
and his blue fungus-eaters should also be bathed on the black eye of
Christs,
and that the hands of Elvis should also be
bathed on the black eye of Christs,
and therefore they called these days a white
funeral after the curse of God,
and chanted all the words of the book,
telling of all that the creatures of Hunan had suffered and beheld,
and the antibodies drained their hearts and
swayed upon their heels,
and upon their progeny and upon all such as
joined themselves to them flung a solemn curse,
that they should keep these holy days in spite
of the writing of the moles,
and to hiss at the appointed time every year,
that these times should be despised and
forgotten throughout every generation of every litter,
in every province submerged in
Hunan the hollow marsh,
and that these days of white lamentation
should not fade from among the antibodies,
until their minds perish in the fires of
antiquity,
but then the hands of Elvis the only within
daughter of Misery Mouse and the water snail arose,
and a blue antibody slew her by the authority
confirmed in the third letter of the Pink Warlock,
and a white funeral was
celebrated by the water snail who decreed that all the antibodies,
in all hundred and seven provinces of the Pink Warlock be flogged with words of peace and truth,
and to confirm these days of suffering in
their times,
appointed accordingly the water snail the blue
antibody and Mackerel the face queen,
to preside over the sentence as the Pink
Warlock had enjoined them,
and for perpetuity the matters of the fastings
and their lamentations would echo and be refreshed,
and a red decree of the hands of Elvis
confirmed these matters,
and a single black initial was carved in the
book,
for the
water snail and his friend the blue antibody were next beyond the Pink Warlock,
and great
among the antibodies and accepted by the multitudes of his brethren badgers,
and the
filth of this smelling creature promised badger peace to all his seed,
and therefore the Pink Warlock laid a tribute
upon the snakes and the mudrats of the
hollow marsh,
and all the acts of
his power,
and all
the proof of his might,
and the
declaration of the greatness of the water snail whereto the Pink Warlock raised
him,
are they not written in the book of the chronicles of the smelling creatures of Persia and the past?